June 2011
1 post
15 tags
The Unofficial Guide to Sheffield (12/06/2011)
With more and more emphasis placed on spending money in the UK (with ‘Buy British’ campaigns being all the rage right now), UK tourism is an industry that has been devastated by the availability of cheap and easy holidays abroad; whether it’s a classy city break for a discerning couple, or a 7 day piss up in I-Beef-Ah (which is nothing more than a glorified game of ‘STI Bingo’, if we’re...
May 2011
3 posts
26 tags
Geordies Abroad! Wrestlers, Prime Ministers and...
Cheryl ‘Chezza’ Cole’s planned world domination took a swift kick in the pills this week, after she got the boot as a judge on American Idol over fears that Americans wouldn’t understand her accent. There was obviously concern that dense viewers would become a bemused mess if Chezza complimented a 18 year old soprano by stating ‘Howay, I fort youz reet good, pet’. But does the Geordie accent...
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The Daily Express' Celebrity Columnists...
The Daily Express isn’t known for its insightful news reporting. At the time of writing, their website has front page stories concerning Penelope Cruz’s dress, graffiti about Pippa Middleton’s arse and the breaking story that ITV’s Taggart has been cancelled (I’ve still got the VHS box sets. They can’t take that away from me). The obsession with celebrity culture permeates every section of the...
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NME say “Don’t listen to this band, because you...
(Hello! Right, haven’t posted much on here recently. Most of the posting is now done at Shoutingatco.ws. Check it, we have a number of good writers and we are always open to applications. And it’s all pretty looking and stuff, innit. Bookmark it. And remember to follow myself and Shouting at Cows on Twitter. K Thx Bi).
NME Magazine gets a lot of abuse from people. But what most of...
April 2011
14 posts
7 tags
Royal Wedding Preview: The Form Guide!...
Well it’s finally here! Months of speculation, shameless merchandising and spotting members of the royal family in food culminates on April 29th, when Prince William and Kate Middleton finally tie the knot. But what do we really know about the runners and the riders? Who are we going to look to to provide the laughter? Will anyone make a pass at The Queen? Thankfully for you lot, we at Lost in...
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This is Your Life: Noel Edmonds (Part 2: The...
In Part 1, we saw the rise of Noel ‘propensity to make moderately entertaining low grade TV’ Edmonds, and the fall of Noel ‘propensity for his ideas and philanthropy to cause deaths’ Edmonds. Following the demise of House Party, Noel would meander on for the next 7 years in Telly wilderness, with the most exciting thing to happen to him being his wife having an affair with a transvestite. But...
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Single Review : Art Brut - Lost Weekend (2.5/10)
Review of Art Brut’s new single ‘Lost Weekend’ what we did do.
Certainly an early candidate for worst single of the year.
thewhiteboardproject:
Title: Lost Weekend
Label: Cooking Vinyl
Release: 16th May 2011
Rating: 2.5
I first heard of Art Brut after lead singer Eddie Argos had a fight with Kele of Bloc Party, following disparaging comments made about each other’s...
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This is Your Life: Noel Edmonds (Part 1: The Rise...
There is nothing more quintessential with British television than Noel Edmonds. He is the doyenne of low budget, mass-market entertainment. Whether its contrived weekend entertainment shows, far right propaganda vehicles or ‘guess my box’, he turns it into a raiting smash. The only thing that has ever held him back are trivial little things like a record number of complaints, or people dying...
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Public Relations Disasters; Because it is Possible...
Marketing, advertising and PR are huge markets. Pharmaceutical company Glaxo-Smith and Kline spend more on advertising and marketing than they do on pharmaceutical research. Basically, people and businesses in general are utter bastards/dribbling simpletons, and therefore they need to employ a large amalgamation of people to write press releases and promotions to make the world believe that, in...
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Images and Video of the Week! (08/04/2010)
Here is what’s been making us laugh this week.
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6) Fulham Football Club erect Michael Jackson statue outside ground!
note; should probably minimise the use of ‘Michael Jackson’ and ‘erect’ in the same sentence.
5) “Hey, D-Beck here. When I’m not playing soccerball, I just like to chill on a sun lounger with my mate Justin...
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What Daily Mail Readers Think About Gender...
David Willets (Universities Minister) had an article in the Daily Mail this week in which he stated that ‘feminism’ has halted the progression of working class men and widened the poverty gap. It was an opinion so absurd, so stupid, with such reactionary oversight and just so unashamedly sexist that to spend much logical thought on it would make you stupider for it. A number of people...
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Want to earn lots of money easily and legally?...
Everyone know MPs make lots of cash. With options like fiddling expensies, house-flipping and taking money for asking question in Parliament; these people are brining home the Benjamins in a big way. They’re like casinos in that sense; you never see a poor one, and voting for one can make you end up very poor.
But even the non-dodgy ones are still big earners. Diane Abbott is a well known MP...
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Guys and Dolls; Enter the world where men date...
Sometimes you’ll see things on the internet that will shock you in it’s oddness. Other things online you’ll struggle to believe are real. Now i’ve seen some bizarre shit in my time, but Dollforum.com takes the biscuit, dunks it into a cup of mental and sprinkles some ‘batshit crazy’ dust on it.
Dollforum.com is online message board for men who like dolls. I don’t mean dolls as...
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Britain's Worst Broadcaster Releases Erotic Novel...
Watching Kay Burley on TV is quite a polarising experience. Part of it is encouraging, as it shows that anyone, including myself, can get a top job in news/media, but another part of it makes me wonder: Is this the state of broadcast journalism these days? Kay’s tenure at Sky has been gaff-tastic for the most part, including such highlights as:
Asking the ex-partner of the Ipswich prostitute...
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The Year in Music (First Quarter. A Year is a Long...
So after last years exceptional 12 months for music, 2011 had a lot to live up to. Well iff the first quarter is to go by, it could be another impressive year for ‘rhythmic noises in some sort of formation’. Last year proved to be a sensational year for electronica while this year has seen as strong showing from the Punk genre. To bring up to speed on this year’s music news:
Glassjaw,...
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Interview : Jesca Hoop
Interview we did with Jesca Hoop. She was lovely. We asked humorous questions. She gave humorous answers. What more can you ask for?
thewhiteboardproject:
Brought up in a Mormon household on folk music, Jesca Hoop’s musical tutelage began when she was a nanny for Tom Waits’ children. Waits described her music as “like going swimming in a lake at night.”. High praise indeed.
Following on from...
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Images of the Week! (1/04/2010)
This is what has been making us at Lost in Transgressions towers laugh this week. Well, other than our AWESOME WRITING!!! erm, yeah….
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3) The house that looks like Hitler!
According to the estate agent, the...
March 2011
25 posts
13 tags
Magazine of the Week: Practical Poultry...
Peridocials are a massive market, yet most of their content is the kind of acquired taste that the 4,000 television channels out there have deemed too niche a demographic to produce. So we’re talking about a special brand of odd. Most of the mainstream mags are like a lesson in stereotyping and sexism, with magazines aimed at blokes tending to be an amalgamation of tits, cars and more tits,...
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This is Your Life; Neil Buchanan (30/03/2011)
(visit us at Shoutingatco.ws. Because we both know it’s better than doing work. Unless your job is like, boob inspector, or something.)
As a child growing up in the 90s, there were a few staples of the TV diet; Noel Edmonds’ gunk tank, Pat Sharp’s haircut and Neil Buchanan’s giant pencil (that isn’t a euphemism). Neil was praised almost universally as being a generally talent TV presence,...
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26th March Protests; Anti-Cuts? Or...
(All photos on this page were taken by myself)
I, like 400,000 other people (well, reportedly 500,000. I didn’t count them personally. Would have been troublesome to say the least), was at the March 26th anti-government cuts demonstration. As with every demonstration since the Coalition took power, the peaceful and civilised demonstrators took a back seat as the various media-outlets had a...
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Single: Beady Eye - Millionaire (3/10)...
Oh hello, is that a music review? I think it is!
My words on the quite appalling new ‘Beady Eye’ single.
thewhiteboardproject:
Title: Millionaire
Label: Sony
Release: 2nd May
Rating: 3.0
Why does Liam Gallagher keep making music? Please, someone tell me. Surely it can’t be due to his love for the medium, because he’s been releasing the same Beatles-lite rubbish for the last...
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It's the 2011 Budget - SIMPLIFIED! (Because...
Is that time of year again; THE BUDGET! YAAAAAY….erm….right? Yes it’s the speech where the Chancellor sets out the economic principles for the forthcoming 12 months, which as always descents swiftly into a mire of sound-bytes, arbitrary numbers and hyperbole, which by the end leaves you wondering why you’d even bothered listening in the first place. Osbourne had his ‘turn the bull loose!’ moment...
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What Women Don't Want (18/03/2011)
As a man, I know nothing about women. Men in general have an intrinsic ability to do or say the wrong thing at the wrong time with an eerie sense of regularity. Whether it’s builders telling a passing woman to ‘show us your tits!’; a 16 year old emo carving the name of his desired mate into his arm with a compass; the hipster berk writing a sycophantic, mawkish poem for his sought beau or...
15 tags
TV: Lily Allen - From Rags to Riches (17/03/11)
(For more, visit us at shoutingatco.ws. or on Twitter @BryansBryans and @shoutsatcows for lolz compressed into 140 characters).
Here at Shouting at Cows we’re seemingly waging a war against daughters of the affluent. Following of from articles on Georgina Littlejohn, Peaches Geldof and the prevalence of nepotism itself within the media, the latest daughter to come under the scrutiny of our...
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The Kids Aren't Alright; Nepotism in the Modern...
(Visit us at shoutingatco.ws. We don’t bite……hard……)
Nepotism is just about as British a quality as there is. If you think of the stereotypical hallmarks of British culture, you think of red phone boxes, Bobbies on the beat, taking breaks in sport for a cup of tea, The Archers and Nepotism. We have a Royal Family. We have a class system. Our whole society is set up...
12 tags
Single Review: 2:54 - On A Wire (6.5)
WORDS! WORDS EVERYWHERE!
thewhiteboardproject:
Single: On A Wire
Label: House Anxiety
Release: March 28th
Rating: 6.5
Hackney based sisters ‘2:54’ took their name from their favourite part of a Melvins song. An interesting idea for the tricky subject of what to call your band; naming it after a pointing moment of a track. It’s like me naming a band ‘0.40’, as it’s when the epic Viscera...
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The Daily Express cares about YOUR rights. And...
The Daily Express cares about YOUR rights. And by YOUR, I mean; Middle-Englanders who’s rights aren’t remotely compromised. As Britons we love to moan, but the problem is, we don’t really have anything to moan about. In general, we get it pretty good in Ing-ger-land. Even with planned state-sector cuts, rising student fees, rising unemployment; in the grand scheme of things globally, we’re the...
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Album Review: Rise Against - Endgame (13/3/2011)
Rise Against - Endgame
Rating - 7/7.5
Rise Against have classically blended two styles of music across their previous work; rhythmic hardcore and mature pop-punk. 2008’s Appeal to Reason had puritanically polished hardcore tracks like Kotov Syndrome equated with pop numbers like The Dirt Whispered. 2006’s The Sufferer and The Witness had Ready to Fall balanced with Survive. Meanwhile,...
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TV REVIEW: OMG! with Peaches Geldof - Episode 2...
Life is all about second chances. Winston Churchill got at a second chance to be in the cabinet; the allies won World War II. Parlophone gave Radiohead a second chance after the relative flop that was Pablo Honey; they released The Bends. So in similar vein, I thought it was only fair to give Peaches Geldof a second chance after what was the most appalling piece of TV; OMG! With Peaches...
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Single Review: Crystal Fighters - At Home (6.5)
Words what I did written for the Whiteboard Project.
Check the Whiteboard Project out; it’s like NME, but good and not written by utter tosspots. So nothing like NME then, I suppose…*sad face*
thewhiteboardproject:
Single: At Home
Label: Zirkulo
Release: 14th March 2011
Rating: 6.5
East London multicultural 5 piece (1 American, 2 English, 2 Spanish – all far prettier than...
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DAILY MAIL: Don’t teach kids about sex and the...
The Daily Mail and The Christian Institute are about a likeable a combination as Bush-Cheney, Stalin-Hitler, Robson-Jerome, and punch in the face-swift kick to the groin. In the past they have got together with religious zealot Stephen Green, you know, the one who committed all that un-godly domestic abuse, and now on the subject of ‘sex education’ they have teamed up with the Christian...
12 tags
Cut and Spin; A guide to Conservative policy...
The majority of Conservative policy making so far has been based around two principles;
1) Cost-cut
2) Spin
And that’s it. Introduce unpopular policy that no-one wants, then dress it up with such keywords as ‘difficult decision’ and ‘inherited deficit’ and ‘prevoius government’ etc. The latest sphere to be invaded by this this particular brand of...
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Impromptu Rant: Woman Builds Swimming Pool in Back...
So there’s a RABBLE RABBLE style story in the Daily Mail today about a woman building a swimming pool in the her back garden. She was on benifts and didn’t get planning permission. So naturally the Fail went ape-shit:
Taking a Dip? The council house mum on benefits (with a husband in prison) who has got a swimming pool in her back garden.
It’s got it all; Benifits, the...
12 tags
'Kicked and Humiliated'; how the newspapers...
This week saw the town of Barnsley get the most attention the place has had since Barnsley Town FC’s shock promotion to the Premiership in 1997 (what a team it had though, eh. Eric Tinkler, Neil Redfern, Lars Leese, Clint Marcelle. True greats of the game). The big talking point was the Liberal Democrats getting an absolute hammering in the polls (similar to some comprehensive hammerings Barnsley...
1 tag
In the words of the sacrosanct philosopher...
Clunge2000 speaks for the whole nation - re. Lost... →
clunge2000:
lostintransgressions:
(For more from us, go to shoutingatco.ws. We’ll make you laugh, cry, and punch a wall in anger. All within your lunch break!)
There is no end to Peaches Honeyblossom Geldof’s talents. Writer, fashionista, TV personality, icon, idol, visionary; she is like our generation’s Patti Smith….
Read this. I implore you. LostInTransgressions is superb, and should...
17 tags
OMG! With Peaches Geldof (aka Intolerance and...
(For more from us, go to shoutingatco.ws. We’ll make you laugh, cry, and punch a wall in anger. All within your lunch break!)
There is no end to Peaches Honeyblossom Geldof’s talents. Writer, fashionista, TV personality, icon, idol, visionary; she is like our generation’s Patti Smith. Not really, I’m being sarcastic. But then you probably already realised that.
I’m not going to bore...
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Charlie Sheen v Muammar Gaddafi: whose line is it... →
The US actor and the Libyan leader have produced some choice lines recently. Can you distinguish between them?
Some humorous evening entertainment brought to you by our friends at The Guardian. See how many you can get right.
(back up link)
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NEWS! Joanna Lumley uses lazy journalism to...
Tell you what, we haven’t had a cantankerous rant about unruly teenagers recently. Anyone want to take this one? Littlejohn? Nah, busy moaning about immigrants. Mel Phillips? Hands full with homosexuality and abortion. What about her off Absolutely Fabulous? You know, the blond one. Perfect!
Yeah everyone’s favourite mid-90s TV personality is back with some self-important dross about ‘dem...
February 2011
34 posts
8 tags
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Single Review: Patrick Wolf - The City (24/02)...
Love the new Patrick Wolf material? No, me neither. Here’s some words I wrote on his latest single.
thewhiteboardproject:
Title: The City
Label: Mercury
Release: 14th March 2011
Rating: 3.0/ 10
South-London singer songwriter Patrick Wolf has had the reputation of someone who can transcend genres and incorporate different styles into his accessible, popular, yet interesting sound....
13 tags
My First Bus Ride Countdown (24.02)
(For more like this, go to shouting at cows. We bring the news, we bring the funniez. You bring the eyes).
I don’t know if any of you were lucky enough/rich enough/middle-class enough to read yesterday’s Telegraph, but there was the most brilliant article by Binkie West yesterday, where she described the event that us normal folk worry about the most; the finer points of our absurdly...
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Daily Mail: Amanda Platell Hates Women (21/02)
Amanda Platell is my favourite Australian export since piss-weak beer and the Neighbours Christmas Album. She is brill. Platell is amongst the throng of female writers including Liz Jones, Jan Moir, Georgina Littlejohn and Melanie Phillips over at Mail HQ, that would make Emily Pankhurst turn in her grave. This is a special brand of of hate-filled woman - each has her own target and attacks...
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TV REVIEW: Hotter Than My Daughter - BBC3...
(For TV based tomfoolery like this, go to Shouting at Cows. It’s good for your health)
BBC3 is really the forgotten relative of shite TV. When people talk about TV stations where the output is unfiltered dross, they’ll roll off the usual networks like Living TV, Bravo, Sky News etc, but BBC3 is often forgotten, despite its relentless commitment to providing TV of such a low grade that it...
