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Today’s Newspapers in 4 Minutes! George Monbiot shows that we’re not all in it together, Assange in court, Richard Littlejohn confuses himself, and Footballer meets Z-list celeb; with sexy consequences! (08/02/2011)

  • Come, have a 4 minute education - for free! (Fuck school, this is where it’s at).

George Monbiot’s article in the Guardian caused quite a stir within Twitter and other inconsequential social media outlets. It was about the government being bloody bastards again, this time by cutting taxes of super wealthy business (while the same government claims that they have so little money they are having to cut council jobs, NHS spending and privatise forests. Hmmm…)

If you’ve heard nothing of it, you’re in good company. The obscure adjustments the government is planning to the tax acts of 1988 and 2009 have been missed by almost everyone – and are, anyway, almost impossible to understand without expert help. But as soon as you grasp the implications, you realise that a kind of corporate coup d’etat is taking place.

This has been the main tool of the current coalition; ambiguity. It’s very easy to bemoan a woman on benefits with several children, but high level macro-economic decisions that cost the county BILLIONS; not so easy to dissect, given that some of it is so complicated I’d have more chance with ‘Advanced Japanese’.

Monbiot lays it out clearly:

At the moment tax law ensures that companies based here, with branches in other countries, don’t get taxed twice on the same money. They have to pay only the difference between our rate and that of the other country. If, for example, Dirty Oil plc pays 10% corporation tax on its profits in Oblivia, then shifts the money over here, it should pay a further 18% in the UK, to match our rate of 28%. But under the new proposals, companies will pay nothing at all in this country on money made by their foreign branches.

These new laws would Britain on par with a tax haven like Switzerland. So in a period of austerity when Osbourne, Cameron and that utter sycophant Clegg were making sweeping cuts all over the welfare state, he made sure he kept the biggest cut for corporation tax.

So how did to come to pass, considering it was absent from the manifesto?

You don’t have to look far to find out. Almost all the members of the seven committees the government set up “to provide strategic oversight of the development of corporate tax policy” are corporate executives. Among them are representatives of Vodafone, Tesco, BP, British American Tobacco and several of the major banks: HSBC, Santander, Standard Chartered, Citigroup, Schroders, RBS and Barclays.

So essentially, the lunatics are running the asylum. Brilliant. And let’s not forget that this isn’t the first time that Cameron has let big business decide the rules which bind them. In November, the Guardian reported how the Department of Health was allowing fast-food companies like KFC and Mcdonald’s to write and dictate the government’s policy on obesity.

The groups are dominated by food and alcohol industry members, who have been invited to suggest measures to tackle public health crises. The alcohol responsibility deal network is chaired by the head of the lobby group the Wine and Spirit Trade Association. The food network to tackle diet and health problems includes processed food manufacturers, fast food companies, and Compass, the catering company famously pilloried by Jamie Oliver for its school menus of turkey twizzlers. The food deal’s sub-group on calories is chaired by PepsiCo, owner of Walkers crisps.

You – quite literally – couldn’t make it up. I’d be fuming right now, if I wasn’t so utterly apathetic towards everything. Ooh look, a squirrel…

The Telegraph talks about statements from Julian Assange’s lawyer. He hits out at everything and everyone; the prosecution, the courts, the evidence etc, involved in Assange’s case, basically saying what most have been over the preceding months, that the facts of the Assange case are a bit – let’s just say – ‘suspicious’.

He said: ”In my opinion, having studied the case file, as well as other material I was permitted to inspect but not to take copies or notes of (SMS/text messages from the complainants’ mobile telephones) the case is one of the weakest I have ever seen in my professional career.

”Even leaving to one side evidential problems, I can see from the SMS/text messages, in which the complainants speak of ‘revenge’, obtaining money and speaking about Mr Assange in the press, that they may have a hidden agenda, which casts serious doubt on their accusations and their trustworthiness.”

I think we can safely assume that Assange is entering a ‘not guilty’ plea.  Assange is fighting against being extradited to Sweden for trial; with his lawyer claiming the extradition would be a ‘breach of Human Rights’. More to follow…

The Daily Mail! Guess what? Littlejohn is back! Hooray! What do we get today? PC gone maaad? EU bureaucracy? Gay Muslims in hoodies? No actually he talks about discrimination and how bad it is.

…………………………………..wait, what?

You can hurl the most vile smears at anyone these days, provided you insert the word ‘Tory’.

Take the case of the Conservative MP Paul Maynard, who suffers from cerebral palsy and was cruelly mocked by Labour members in the Commons.

If the lads from Top Gear had insulted Tories instead of Mexicans they would have been hailed as heroes by the Left.

Last week a moderate students’ union leader in Leeds was subjected to a barrage of abuse from demonstrators who called him ‘Tory Jew scum’ — despite him being neither Jewish nor a Conservative.

But like ‘Tory’, ‘Jew’ is now an acceptable insult on the Left. So virulent is their hatred of Israel that all Jews are ­considered fair game.

Ah I see, so rather than it being a story about how ‘we are the world we are the people’ what Littejohn is actually saying is; ‘aren’t left-wingers utter shits!’. Great, I’ll file it under everything-Richard-Littlejohn-has-ever-written, then.

So the man who wrote spare me the’ people’s prostitutes’ routine is joining the PC brigade then? No, not quite. In fact he gets confused at this utter alien position of bemoaning discrimination half way through his piece, and manages to intersect a few ‘Political Correctness gone mad’ anecdotes into it.

In Wiltshire, a health watchdog has had its funding withdrawn because its chairman was overheard referring to ‘jungle drums’ at a ­public meeting in a local scout hut.

Mrs Anna Farquhar, aged 70, was using the expression to describe gossip, in much the same way as others might have said ‘the grapevine’. But she was immediately branded a racist by a humourless fanatic called Sonia Carr, who describes herself as a member of the Wiltshire Racial Equality Council.

But, Richie; I thought we’d turned the corner?

Littlejohn’s article could be paraphrased as ‘don’t say anything against the Conservatives you liberal twats, but everyone else is fair game’, which is about as useful a piece of political rhetoric as me covering my nose in ink and attempting to write a review of ‘The World according to Clarkson’ with my face. i.e not very.

Finally The Sun, where – brace yourselves – a footballer has slept with a Z-List, reality TV celebrity, whilst in relationship with another women.


*Faints through shock*


Claudia Ciardone, 28, who appeared in Argentina’s versions of Big Brother and Dancing on Ice, told the country’s telly show Intrusos: “I was with Carlos Tevez before, during and after the World Cup. Until I realised he was already in a relationship, and so I broke up with him.”

So for all those out there would needed a ‘footballer in infidelity EXLCUSIVE’, here you are.


Have a reconstruction of Julian Assange enjoying a Brandy (brought to you by Bill Hader).

Posted on February 8th, 2011
7 notes
  1. lostintransgressions posted this